Can You Hear Me Now?

I recently read that the average business person spends 40% of the day listening.   While initially startling, as you think about what we do in a day, the statistic makes sense.  We listen (hopefully) in meetings, on the telephone, over lunch, while commuting, in hallways and elevators.  With that large a chunk of our day listening it behooves us to think about all the things that get in the way of us hearing what’s said and to wonder what we could do to listen better.

If we’re really honest with ourselves we admit that too often we appear to be listening but we’ve let our minds wander to the e-mail we just received, or the phone call we need to make, or the proposal we’re writing, or something our spouse said…or the crowds we’re feeding over the holidays.   We’re distracted.

If we’re really, really honest with ourselves, we confess that we listen through filters — pre-judging what the other person may be saying based on our opinions of the topic or person.  We’ve formed a conclusion before the conversation has concluded.

Too often in conversations we interrupt to reply before we know what the other person’s really saying or asking.  “Got it.”  “I think…” “Here’s what you should do…”   We’re overly efficient (and even a little rude) and hinder our ability to understand.

The cards are stacked against listening but remember that we’re spending 40% of our days doing it….probably poorly!  Here are three ways to boost your listening skills.

1. Give yourself permission to be present.  Nothing is more important than that conversation at that moment.  Take your hands off your keyboard and listen.  Put your Blackberry away and listen.  Don’t press the “mute” button on that conference call; instead listen.
2. First recognize and then abandon your filters and preconceived notions. Open up to a possible new and valid perspective (even if you don’t agree with it).
3. Focus on the other person and what that person is trying to say — not how you want to respond.  Hint: we focus with our ears, our eyes, our heads, our bodies.  Lean into the conversation with interest and nod (sincerely) in understanding (because you absolutely will understand more when you’re focused on hearing).  If we’re working hard to understand the other person’s point, we’re less likely to interrupt.

For many of us, really listening to hear is a life-long struggle.  But, with 40% of our day at stake, it’s certainly worth the fight!

Birthday Musings

I celebrated my birthday this week — surrounded by family and good friends.  While others might feel daunted by turning fifty-five, or “the double nickel” or “speed limit” birthday, I am good.  Really . So why do I welcome each birthday (still), when other people…well not so much?

When I turned fifty, my daughter and I started creating rhyming tag lines for each of my birthdays.  “Nifty at fifty.”  “Fifty-one and still having lots of fun.”  “Fifty-four and ready for so much more.”  We haven’t found one we really like for 55.   We’ll continue to look for the tag line that best matches how I feel.  Happy. Proud. Wise. Blessed. Excited. Confident. Experienced. Accomplished.  Open to learning and discovering.  Delighted by new experiences and new people.  I’m less tolerant of fools and and have no patience for small-minded people.  I am absolutely certain of my values and beliefs, but recognize that my perspective will continue to evolve.

While I still tend to describe  myself as middle-aged, that’s probably no longer true because I’m not really sure I’ll be celebrating my 110th birthday.  But there’s really no description that works for me.  Maybe “maturing baby boomer” but that feels more like a demographic category for marketers than a description of where I am in my life-cycle.

I’m a member of a small “mastermind” group of professional women and we inspire one another with new ideas, opportunities and possibilities.  Our already successful careers absolutely are not yet fully-baked despite our collective experience and expertise.

As my baby applies to college, and my oldest is already there, my husband and I prepare to be empty nesters (another consumer label).  We know we’ll really miss our kids, but we’re beginning to plan our post-kids fun — like a cruise through the Panama Canal next year (that doesn’t have to take place during a school vacation week).

Is 55 the new 40?  Do I wish I could go back in time?  Nope.  I love where I am and who I am today.

But let me know if you think of a tagline for this year’s birthday, “55 and ___________.”